Constrained By Him

Since childhood, I would slip away from the busy family of 6 and find a quiet place to rest, to read, to hide from the scurry and hurry of being the oldest of a four sibling family.

As a pre-teen I had already develpoed the habit of slipping into my walk-in closet while my two sisters finally slept so that I could read the Psalms and write my own poetry.  I found comfort in the Psalms–“weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”.  

As a young adult my husband and I led groups of teens–upwards of 100 at times.  We taught bible and we made sure they had fun doing it.  Life was full and busy!  We toted along our lively little son, that was probably over-stimulated most of the time.  There was much enjoyment, satisfaction in successful outreaches–but it was always in the quiet of the night I would receive ideas from the Lord–often a whole series or a big event to reach one soul–I would share with my husband in the morning, and as my steady, logical farm-raised teacher-Pastor, he would bring the theology and the structure to the event.

As a young mother of two and then three, I would awaken in the night to read, to pray–I loved the silence of the night time–and I would write.  Often, my writing was my own therapy and giving order to the events of the day that seemed too random.  Often the Lord would speak to me through a book, or His Word and give me insight not of myself.

Now, today, as an “older woman”–I receive my first SSI check tomorrow, I am hemmed in.  I have no car, I have no job.  I have a home near the beautiful lake–Lake Michigan-and a nice tree filled view in my back yard.  The Lord says, Now, now is your time Linda, Now.  

I was  always busy, but not so much into the disciplines of exercise unless it was via my work as Mom, Pastor’s wife, teacher, Grandma and homemaker.  Maybe now I can take leisurely walks, should the Lord heal my knee completely.  If not, I pause and bask in the rest.

So as I read of the desert fathers, the monks, the early theologians, I can say yes, oh yes, Lord, 

this is where you have placed me, gifted me and my heart sings.  I can be at peace here.  And, I can pray for those who are not yet at peace.  I can cry, weep and wail for the hurting children, the sick, the abandoned, the widow and the divorcee’ and beg your mercy and your healing to come in its fullness.  I can pray for this nation, that has turned its back on God–and cry for revival, repentance and your mercy.

So, I am joyful in my “lowly estate”…for this is where YOU have placed me.  

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